United Kingdom Life Stages: Marriage
Marriage Norms
As in many other developed nations, marriage in the UK is increasingly becoming an anachronistic social institution. The annual number of marriages recently touched an all-time low, divorce rates are soaring, and cohabitation is on the rise. People who do marry are doing so much later in life.
In England and Wales, the legal marriage age is 16 with the consent of parents and 18 otherwise. In Scotland it is 16 and in Northern Ireland it is 18, or 17 with parental consent. The mean age of marriage in the UK is 34 for women and 36 for men.
Hierarchy in the family does not influence who marries first, since marriage is considered an entirely personal decision. Parents have no say in whom their children marry or when they get married.
A week before a British wedding, the bride’s mother often organizes a “show of presents,” a tradition much like a bridal shower. Guests bring gifts for the bride and are served tea and cake by the bride’s mother. The “stag party” for the groom is a wilder affair typically with heavy drinking, attending “gentlemen’s clubs,” and merry-making until the wee hours.
English weddings may be preceded by a rehearsal ceremony, particularly for big, highly formal weddings. The English bride is accompanied by many young bridesmaids and a flower girl who leads the way, sprinkling flower petals along the aisle to symbolize a happy course through life for the bride and groom. The bride may also carry a decorative horseshoe on her wrist for good luck.
The religious service usually consists of two or three hymns, and church choirs often sing during the ceremony. At the benediction, the "care cloth" (a square piece of cloth) is held over the bride and groom as they exchange rings. The couple enters the vestry along with the priest to sign the wedding documents.
Old and New Traditions
Scottish weddings are a blend of old traditions and modernity. The tradition of “banns” (announcing a wedding in church for three successive Sundays prior to the actual wedding) has been replaced by the simple announcement of the intention to marry (sometimes via a notice in the local paper) and getting a license from the local registrar.
The Scottish bride wears a traditional or contemporary white wedding gown, while the groom dresses in traditional kilt, kilt jacket, and sporran. The couple is led to the altar accompanied by music from the bagpiper or traditional Gaelic hymns. The couple exchanges their vows in Gaelic or English and, at nearly all Scottish weddings, the Highland Wedding song is played. After the wedding, the groom pins a strip of his clan’s tartan color on to the bride’s dress to signify that she has joined his clan. The couple and the guests proceed to a lavish reception with music, dancing, drinking, and toasting.
The Welsh have many elaborate wedding customs. One is the tradition of “marriage by capture,” which is still practiced in some areas. On the wedding day, the bridegroom and his friends proceed to the residence of the bride's father where they find the door locked and the bride’s family resisting the bridegroom's entry. After some horseplay, a spokesman from each side recites a dialogue in verse negotiating the release of the bride. The bridegroom then enters and searches for the bride, who is in disguise. Once the bride is discovered, the wedding party goes to church, where the bride is abducted by her family. The bridegroom pursues the bride, she is delivered to him, everyone returns to the church, and then the wedding ceremony proceeds in the usual manner.
Other Welsh traditions include collecting the household goods, or ystafell, on the Friday before the wedding, the display of “lover’s knots” in the wedding decorations, and a great deal of singing, dancing, and music. Traditional Welsh wedding gifts include elaborately carved spoons. These were originally gifts created by the prospective husband as an offering to his intended bride, but they are now presented at baptisms, weddings, and anniversaries as well.
Men and women have equal say in their marriage, and parents on either side have little influence on their offspring’s marriage. Married couples move into their own home, which may be a rented or purchased house or apartment.
Although a majority of the Britons disapprove of extramarital affairs, permissive sexual attitudes and the gradual demise of the institution of marriage have led to a high degree of sexual infidelity.
Wedding anniversaries are celebrated, especially the first, tenth, twenty-fifth, and fiftieth. The manner in which they are celebrated depends on individual taste but usually involves the married couple going out on the town, buying gifts for each other, or otherwise celebrating together.
Same-Sex Marriage
Same-sex marriage has been legal in England, Wales, and Scotland since 2014, and in Northern Ireland since 2020. The Marriage (Same Sex Couples) Act 2013, which came into force on March 29, 2014, allows same-sex couples to marry in England and Wales. The legislation also allows for religious organizations to opt in to performing same-sex marriages, but it does not require them to do so. In Scotland, the Marriage and Civil Partnership Act of 2014 legalized same-sex marriage and came into effect on December 16, 2014.
In Northern Ireland, same-sex marriage became legal on January 13, 2020, following the passage of the Northern Ireland (Executive Formation etc) Act 2019. Same-sex couples in the United Kingdom have the same legal rights and protections as opposite-sex couples, including the right to marry and adopt children.
Divorce
Divorce in England and Wales is granted if the marriage has irretrievably broken down. The grounds for divorce include adultery, unreasonable behavior, desertion, two years' separation with consent, or five years' separation without consent. Financial provisions and contact with the children are dealt with as completely independent issues. The UK's high divorce rates are attributable to the general erosion of the British family, and the highest rate is found in the 25-to-29 age group. Over two-thirds of divorces are granted to the wife.
Child custody is decided by family court judges on the basis of the recommendations of the court’s welfare officers who have visited the family. In a majority of cases mothers receive sole custody, and only a fifth of cases result in joint custody. Many fathers report that they have been forced to make expensive custody fights because they are pitted against mothers backed by state-funded legal aid.
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